DOWELS - The Answer to Everything!!

THE NEWSLETTER OF THE DOWEL

October 11 2023

Be the Dowel you want to see in the world.

Greetings Dowel fans!

This month our author is still crestfallen after realising we will not be the first people to put a Dowel on the moon. However - life goes on purpose can be found within the Dowel and the Dowel is within all of us - so on that note - read on for all the latest Hot Dowel news including details of a book deal, instructions on how to figure out when your Dowel birthday is etc. etc.

Your Dowel Birthday.

So when is your Dowel birthday? We’ll get to that – but first - what is a 'Dowel Birthday'?

Dowel birthdays are like your regular birthday - but you Dowel birthday is only once every 53 weeks instead of once every 52 weeks… This means over the course of a lifetime your birthday will cycle through all the months of the year.

Advantages of the Dowel Birthday system.

Dowel members age 2% slower than everyone else. If someone was born on your birthday and not a believer - by the time they are 52 - you will only be 51.
You need a chart to work out when to celebrate your Dowel birthday. It is a beautiful and needlessly complicated system.
If you weren't already - there is an increased chance you will have a birthday on Feb' 29 - a slim chance - but there is a chance.
You will cycle through all 12 sectors of the zodiac (eventually) and you can pick your favourite. These will also make more sense “Oh I'm getting cranky – that must be because I'm a virgo now”
Dowel birthdays are especially good for people who frequently forget peoples legacy birth dates… oh your birthday was last week? no… I didnt forget….I just celebrate your Dowel birthday…
People who complain about how hard done by they are by being born on christmas day / new years eve / halloween / 911 can stop going on about it. and people born on feb 29 can quit it with the “i am only 8 years old” jokes.

These are just some of the advantages – so when is your Dowel Birthday? Well, its a bit complicated… but every year its a week later – starting from the year you turn 18. For example – lets pick a random birth date … say the 4th of April 1991.. you work out when you turned 18, then start counting 1 year for every 53 weeks… if you were born on 4/4/1991 your next Dowel birthday would be on Thursday the 18th of July 2024 - the height of the northern hemisphere summer, your star sign is a practical crab. The following year your birthday would be on July 25th and your zodiac sign will be a mighty Lion. Its all pretty straightforward.

This also ties in with our plans to increase the number of hours in a day to 25 and the number of days in a week to 11…. which in turn is just part of the larger quest to eventually get us all using the un-decimal (base-11) system – which is based on our ten fingers – and the Dowel that we all carry.

After the break!

Still to come - more Dowel news!

Are you looking for your next great read?

Check out the follow up to Dorra's top rated debut story - wedding Dowels!

SHOP Now!

Intermission:

A Dowel brings inner strength and self confidence - all praise the Dowel!

Dowel Book Deal

We have a deal to publish a Dowel book. Its mainly a photo book with at least 16 high definition photos of unique Dowels together with some brief words to describe them. Its like a coffee-table book but the unique thing about our coffee-table book is that it is pocket sized – so you can take it anywhere. It will come out in time for Christmas… 2024 - in theory. We still need at least 16 high definition photos of unique Dowels… so if you have any high definition photos of Dowels, or a decent camera… or just some ideas… or some nice Dowels… let us know.

THAT'S WEIRD (IS IT?)

Just skip it.

If you visit W6, London - on a weekend – one of the many exciting things you can do is play “where's that rubbish skip truck” for some unknown reason it parks in a different street every weekend. Not just nearby streets either - it could be anywhere. Weird. If you want to take part - I am talking about a big black "skip it" branded truck.

OLD NEWS

Just How Old is the Dowel?

You may have seen in the news recently that they discovered a 500,000 year old wooden structure in Zambia recently. There was no word any Dowels within - but it is not news to us. Our own historians know that the Dowel has been with us for much longer than 500,000 years. We have reason to believe that the Dowel not only predates Homo-sapiens but that it even predates the evolution of trees on earth. You can view a brief history of the Dowel on - here.

NEXT MONTH

Next month we ask - is happiness even possible without the Dowel?

P.

It's the newsletter of the Dowel

www.praisethedowel.com

This email was sent by the Holy Order of the Dowel

To UNSUBSCRIBE reply "UnsubscRibe" to this email

DISCLAIMER: This newsletter is provided as a service to the community - the information within is provided in good faith and no assurance is given as to the accuracy of information conatined within.