Follow me my Dowel

THE NEWSLETTER OF THE DOWEL

July 2023

MORE DOWEL NEWS NOW!

Greetings Dowel fans!

Last month we revealed that there are Dowels on the moon and uncovered a conspiracy connecting JFK to the Dowel. That was huge. Now, how will we follow that up? Well, this month we have a photo of a man who might be wearing a Dowel and we are asking you - what superpowers can we attribute to the Dowel? We also have all our usual features etc.

ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED SOON?

Costs of weddings now days are going through the roof and more and more people are turning to corporate sponsorship for their nuptials. If you are getting married - and would consider any of the following;

Having the Dowel watermark displayed prominently on all wedding photographs (taken by the official photographer or not - observers will be provided on site for enforcement).
Reserving space on the grooms wedding suit for tasteful Dowel advertisements.
Allowing for Dowel merchandising booths to be present in wedding halls, reception areas and car parks.
Having all Wedding speeches end with "Praise the Dowel"
Asking all attendees to agree to subscribe to this newsletter as a condition of attending the wedding.

Then get in touch as we can pledge to cover all or part of the cost of your wedding!
We are also considering sponsoring a limited number of children for the first 16 years of their lives - all we will ask for in return is naming rights.

Above is an example of our discreet and unobtrusive watermark applied to a wedding photograph.

IS IT A GOD YOU SEEK - OR A CONNECTION?

Dowel Far-shion.
The latest Dowel fashion trends from the streets.

We now introduce a new feature - we will occasionally showcase examples of people spotted wearing Dowel related fashion out on the streets. Pictured below is our first example - Umpire Ashan Raza with what appears to be a Dowel pendant on his collar. To those who say its just a microphone - you are wrong. I know a Dowel when I see one.

READERS QUESTION OF THE MONTH!

Last month we asked "Was JFK killed because he believed in the Dowel" at the time this newsletter went to press - 100% of respondees agree JFK was killed because he believed in the Dowel. That is pretty definitive.

This month we are asking: Would you be for or against us attributing super powers to the Dowel?

If you said yes, which of the following powers would you most like?

Note: replying to the above polls will take you to an outside polling page provided by others. Why not leave a comment - its completely unmoderated!

After the break!

Still to come - marketing, membership news and more!

Are you looking for your next great read?

Check out the follow up to Dorra's top rated debut story - wedding Dowels!

SHOP Now!

MEMBERSHIP NEWS:

Still no new members this month. Am I worried? Maybe a little bit.

I travelled to Northern Ireland last month to try and recruit some new people - they turned it arround on me and tried to recruit me to Christianity instead. Northern Ireland was the last place I expected this sort of thing to happen. They did ply me full of Chinese food more than once - and if I am fair - that is a very good strategy. Unfortunately I can't afford to buy everyone Chinese food. If you know anyone who owns a Chinese Restaurant - try to recruit them to our ways.

In other membership news - my neighbour has asked me to stop sharing stories of his mishaps in this newsletter.

What is Victoria's Secret?

I still want to recruit a Victoria - any Victoria to the Dowel. So far this has been unsuccessful. Someone told me that Nicki Minaj's real name is Victoria - sadly this is not true - so the search continues.

THE DOWEL WITHIN ME HONOURS THE DOWEL WITHIN YOU

THAT'S WEIRD

I overheard a guy outside my flat at 2am last Saturday trying to impress a girl with his knowledge of WW2 naval tactics. This is probably normal for where I live - but I still think its weird.

Specifically he was discussing the sinking of the Bismark which I think is a cheesy pick up strategy.

Also overheard outside my window (during the day sometime)"you know you have to wear pants right?" I think that was two old ladies talking (I was not going to check).

YOU NEED TO TELL ME THE WEIRD THINGS YOU SEE AND SOMEONE WILL DRAW THEM (MAYBE).

Remember you can't spell libiDO WELlness without DOWEL

NEXT MONTH

I think next month we will discuss the mechanics of Dowel action on the shear-transfer actions in Ikea shelves supporting live fish tanks. Who knows. Until then I wish the very best of Dowels to you, to all of your families, to all of your friends and all of you who support the Dowel by spray painting "I love the Dowel" on your neighbours door. Praise the Dowel!

P.

It's the newsletter of the Dowel

www.praisethedowel.com

This email was sent by the Holy Order of the Dowel

To UNSUBSCRIBE reply "UnsubscRibe" to this email

DISCLAIMER: This newsletter is provided as a service to the community - the information within is provided in good faith and no assurance is given as to the accuracy of information conatined within.