Its the end of the year again (and I feel fine). Its the newsletter of the Dowel, we've packed it full of Dowel news - and its still not enough! We bring you news of the latest organisation to take on the Dowel and fail, the “thats weird” illustrations return with a public service announcement, we recap another fantastic year in Dowel, we try to explain our latest communications issues – and oh! we have one small request of you… Read on, praise the Dowel!

We arent late - we were just waiting.

Regular readers know our newsletter normally releases on the 11th – this month we are a touch late - which has left some of you fearing that you had been left out. Worry not - we were working on a few big things that we can only tell you about now. I am very pleased to announce that a Giant Dowel will be appearing in the Forntam and Mason London store christmas window display – from about 11am local time this coming Saturday (the 21st December 2024). If you want to see it though you will need to be quick as I cant promise it will remain long after its discovered. If you don’t manage to catch that - we will be filling the last box (no.24) in the street advent calendar on Old Bond Street with bags of free Dowels – be there or be square…

BREAKING NEWS!

Another Dowel Foe VANQUISHED!

Shortly after we published our last newsletter the much maligned Homebase Retail chain in the UK entered administration. This retail brand was deeply unpopular within the Dowel crowd as Homebase tried to stifle the spread of the Dowel by pricing their Dowels at simply stupid prices. 50p for a single Dowel! We wrote to them multiple times to complain – but they did nothing, so all we could do was publicly denounce their evil ways and now look at them - they are a corpse in the dirt - nothing but a fading memory whilst we go from strength to strength. Good riddance I say – commiserations to the approximately 2000 retail workers who lost their jobs – but you were working for the devil and you should have seen it coming. 50p for one 10x40mm Dowel!! We give them away for free!

THE DOWEL NEEDS YOU! (AGAIN)

Last month we asked you to tell everyone you know about the Dowel – so that we use the Dowel to reverse climate change and save the world. This month we are asking for your help again with an equally important request…

We need multiple copies of the 2001 science fiction mystery film K-PAX. If you have copies on DVD or VHS that you can give away - please, let us know. If everyone reading this was to donate just 2.5 copies of K-pax, we would reach our target very quickly.

(pictured below).

This is K-Pax. Image credit: Universal Studios.

Those of you whom have received our handbook full of Dowel related secrets will know that the Dowel will occasionally ask you to do arbitrary tasks – this is one of those requests. The Dowel will reward this arbitrary request with arbitrary rewards. kindly donate today. If you are undecided, remember that any contribution helps, whether it's 1 copy of K-Pax or 20. Do your part - donate today!

2024 - Your Year in Dowel

2023 was an amazing year for the Dowel – we discovered actual Dowels in space and links between JFK and the Dowel – who would have thought we could top that – but we did! 2024 was a fantastic year. Membership continues to grow, Homebase has been utterly defeated and we have developed a Dowel based solution to global warming. Its been a huge year for the Dowel and all those that follow it!
Looking at recent membership applications – unlinke previous years this year we have had slightly more men than women applying although the numbers still remain fairly even – all this shows is that unlike some other groups which are still entrenched in the patriarchy – the Dowel appeals to everyone. Per capita – the place you are now most likely to find a member of the Dowel is Newfoundland. The second most likely place is Northern Ireland both areas showed strong growth in 2024. On shear numbers – London remains the area concentrated with the most members – although I could see that changing in the next few years. 2024 saw our first members based in the middle east too whilst we continue to have zero members from the United states of America – and I cant say that I am bothered about that at all. As long as people feel the need to connect - the Dowel will continue to grow – the Dowel provides a sense of community, a purpose to life and a fuller, deeper understanding of life that is difficult to find anywhere else – praise the Dowel.

After the break!

Still to come - that's weird (illustrated), communication updates and some minor retractions.

You are part of a larger construct. Praise the Dowel.

A Failure to Communicate.

Email Issues.

DISCLAIMER: We are not large animal specialists

THAT'S WEIRD

Be respectful over the festive period.

Membership News.

With every Dowel our connection grows stronger

A Failure to Communicate.

Once a year, due to our obligations as responsible news editors: we print appolgies and retractions etc. Here are all the mistakes we are sorry for for 2024.

1) I apologise to those who thought I was belittling PETA on the recent Dowelmas card – I’m sure they do lots of valuable work too.
2) I apologise for comments that may have been seen as belittling the Christian faith – I was just merely pointing out there has never been a female pope. It wasn't a criticism, as such.
3) I apologise (again) for sending a Dowelmas card to the woman who thought her son had signed up to a cult – I was just trying to explain we are not a cult. I do acknowledge my comments were unjust. Yes, I have removed her details from the emailing list.